I am going to take a double-spiral, A5, broad-lined notebook
complete with a blue ocean of ‘BIC Cristal Original’
I am going to write something new every day
or at least give it my best shot
I want to have notebook and pen with me, so I miss nothing
I want to be as close as possible to writing positively
in case I forget what is important
I want to mostly scream
and weep uncontrollably for the world’s barbarity
to the sound of drone attacks
and the smell of burnt flesh
I am going to travel backwards in time
complete with all my lived experience
I am going to carve a new path
or at least bring comfort to my younger self
I want to have experience with me so I am not distracted
I want to be as close as possible to kindness
in case I forget what is important
I want to forgive myself in the process
and be realistic about what is possible
to the sound of “Go on! You can do it.”
And the smell of the sea, whatever path is chosen
I am going to live forever
complete with excellent health
I am going to exercise every day
or just generally be very active
I want to have imagination with me so I can’t fail
I want to be as close as possible to fantasy
in case I look up and see the grim reaper
I want to pretend he’s not real
and I stick my fingers in my ears
to the sound of “La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la”
And the smell of lemons
The original poem……
96 Vandam
I am going to carry my bed into New York City tonight
complete with dangling sheets and ripped blankets;
I am going to push it across three dark highways
or coast along under 600,000 faint stars.
I want to have it with me so I don’t have to beg
for too much shelter from my weak and exhausted friends.
I want to be as close as possible to my pillow
in case a dream or a fantasy should pass by.
I want to fall asleep on my own fire escape
and wake up dazed and hungry
to the sound of garbage grinding in the street below
and the smell of coffee cooking in the window above.
Gerald Stern
Source: The New Yorker, July 1977 P.26
Fraser
May 2024