I can run for miles and miles across the stretching sands of a lonely beach, and take-off up into the sky, soaring to great heights, floating for an eternity on the updraft.
I can explore in every direction and live the lives I missed the first time around, be the person I never really wanted to be, but always wondered what it would feel like.
I can examine all my mistakes, embarrassing moments and idiotic decisions, and tuck them safely under a duvet in the bed of new understanding.
I can complete my life as a hermit, and begin to understand, and in so doing, love my fellow humans, warts and all.
I can unteach myself every toxic belief that I inherited and multiplied over and over all on my own, and instead, create a new relationship with the challenges and joys of an eternal sea of positive learning.
I can develop a greater grasp of my neurology, and what I can do (and not do) about defects borne out of genes or those that have arisen through self-inflicted harm.
I can learn what other people want me to do, and then develop the best life I can manage, despite the well-intentioned desires of others.
I can share, and sensitively collaborate with others, carefully trying not to upset their various apple carts, or my own, although I have a long way to travel on that road.
I can, and I largely have, found alternatives to banging down on the self-destruct button with a sledgehammer, although even now, I can sometimes feel the allure of the smooth handle of the sledgehammer in my hands. More work required here, too.
I can be as well as I can be, and I can enable myself in all things that are still possible, whilst also managing chronic health conditions and disability.
I can keep writing until my dying breath for the cost of a pen and some paper. And you can, too.
Fraser
June 2024